I murdered the dance floor call the cops
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
