you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
