I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
handjob tips. give me some.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
