my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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