I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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