I feel like abortions should bother me more
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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