it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
