My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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