So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So apparently I’m into choking now
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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