It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
