I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
