so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
