I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
