I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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