i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
