Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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