life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
