"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
