Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
