I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
