i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
