I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
