It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
