highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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