Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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