"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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