I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
