So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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