Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
