I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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