looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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