this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
