Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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