I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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