apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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