Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
