So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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