dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
