Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
