just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
