i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
