Buhtt sex?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
