I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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