Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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