They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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