I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
