I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I need to align my fucking chakras
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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