one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
His hands were made for my vagina.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
