If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
