there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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