I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
