i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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