Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
