she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
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I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
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Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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