put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize
