What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
