Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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