morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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